Thursday, August 29, 2013

The Feline Heat Index

The English language has long been known to contain many phrases that liken outdoor temperatures to to our canine companions, i.e. "three dog night," "dog days of summer," and so on.  Since I currently have only feline companions (yes, I'm a cat person), I thought it high time to bring some balance to the situation, bases upon the highly complex scientific research known as GWISMD*
(*Guess What I Saw My Cats Do)

For instance, in the earlier warm days of Spring, I would use the air conditioning based on our cats activity level. This was developed after talking to my husband one morning when he called from work; I was wondering if I should turn the A/C on, or try to 'tough it out' the entire day and leave it off.  His response was simple and to the point -  "What do the cats look like?"  It's been my indicator ever since.

Although I've been able to turn off the AC twice in July and open the windows for a few days each time this year (gasp! that's nearly unheard of!), this week it's been in the mid 90's, here in the central plains of the U.S.  A couple of years ago, I realized that my feline friends provided me with an alternative method of forecasting.  

Phineas at 30"
Here's how it works:  First you need to make a note of the surface they are laying on - is it the carpet?  a throw rug or blanket?  If so, you probably don't need to measure anything - it's not too hot (This is also a good time to get a baseline measurement - using a soft measuring tape, make a note of how many inches they measure stretched out, and jot this down).  

But if you spy them laying on any of the following - a cardboard box, newspaper, paper you are working on, pillows with cool material, wood floor, wood furniture, tile floor, the bath tub or sink (empty, of course - although there are exceptions, and exceptional cats!) dinner table, Formica or granite counter-top...go get your measuring tape!

Loki at 34" (cat pattern not included)

Measure once again, write down that result and compare with your baseline.  I believe it's a scientific fact that every inch they stretch out (further than their baseline) is equal to "X" degrees of increased heat.  And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen - The Feline Heat Index. (would someone else please crunch these numbers? I'm too hot. thanks.)

Phineas at 32"

Furthermore, this finding could greatly benefit both the feline AND the Mass Media Communities.  Just think of all the TV stations out there that could 'employ' several cats (at least two, but the more the better!) for their Meteorological Desks - thus reducing the population of thousands of cats in rescue shelters across the country!   And everyone knows that petting or just being around an animal reduces your blood pressure and relaxes you - and when you're not stressing out, how can you deliver bad news?  Presto - Instant World Peace, don't you agree?

Phineas and Loki - on carpet
Phineas in/on porcelain

Phineas and Loki - World Peace.